AGE? CRISIS?

It’s a Fact; I’m thirty years old. The point about it is that I’ve just turn 30 last week, only last week I was enjoying my last days in my twenties... but now, I’m 30. You can say, come on, it’s just another birthday, just another day. But no, it means much more to me.

Seeing my life in retrospective, I’ve come to realize that, during a critical period in my life, I had to mature much faster than the rest, I had to deal with demands beyond my age and role. I had to rise to the occasion, and I did, but, as soon as I had the opportunity to free myself from those responsibilities, I did, and I’ve never looked back. Fatal error. You see, that’s the reason I’m feeling inadequate at this point and age. As a child, I was one of those classic Adult-Childs that never jumps, never screams, would never, ever be disrespectful. What a drag, he he. I remember going to the most fancy Chinese restaurant as a child and, while my cousin, just months younger than me, was causing a riot, I was sitting properly besides my mom and actually thinking that my cousin deserves to be punished for that kind of behavior. Silly me.

That was then, this is now. I’m still respectful to other, I know how to sit properly at a fancy restaurant, but I´m more relaxed. The bad thing is that I run as fast as I can from any serious responsibility, and that’s not good, specially when you reach an age such as 30, when is no longer appropriate to be careless and with no aim in life. I know that, and I’m working towards something for myself, but then again, that means having to grow up and I don’t want to. Call me Peter Pan (my previous therapist did) but I do not want to be an adult, I already was an adult as a child, I know what it feels like and is not good. On the other hand, I’m beginning to feel the gripping hand of brother time behind my back. Man, I even wanted to start paying for my funeral service to have it ready when it comes the time to use it. I want to pay all of my debts, to buy a house and all the things an adult of my age supposedly has to be planning even before he reaches this point.

So there you have it, on one hand I want to party hardy, and by that, I mean do just nothing and stare at the sky. On the other hand I want to start working on the rest of my life. That’s my crisis right now. Mr. AlMi, I need help… Again. (By the way, Mr. AlMi is my last therapist).

Now, looking around, I’ve noticed that most of the Dragons around me (because of the Chinese horoscope) are doing just as not that good as me. The range goes from lower back pains, unwed fathers to the worst-case scenario, a psychotic episode. What’s going on? Why oh why is turning 30 so difficult?

Going further in my research, I’ve noticed that it is not just us dragons, its just people around me. For instance, back in April I met Piercy, 42, and we hit it off right away. Everything seemed to go fine but all of a sudden he just stopped calling. I felt that I didn’t do anything wrong, on the contrary. But anyway. Around July he started calling again and from time to time we have chatted online. Last Wednesday he invited me to have dinner for my birthday, and we started talking about age, crisis and responsibilities. He told me that he came to realize that he needed time for himself, he started therapy and that everything was going well. What a surprise, he starts dating me and has to go back to the shrink.

Another of my friends, PZ, has had a very difficult year. In March he had to move to another city for his work, and left behind his boyfriend Tito. Well, PZ has come to realize some info on him that has put all of his life in a different perspective, and he is 38. Of course Tito (23) is not so happy with all of the sudden changes PZ is having, so he is in a crisis all of himself. Not to mention the fact that they’re miles and miles away.

Election year in Mexico. Enough said.

Finally, in different places and from different sources, I’ve been hearing, reading, that this year is of the reckoning, ascending or whatever these groups call the changing of level the “whole humanity” is experimenting. Oh! My god!!

Well. At the end, I don’t feel so alone and helpless about my crisis. It’s not just me, it’s the whole world, it seem it is on the verge of a meltdown. Or Ascension. Thank you.